• 20% had tried smoking
• 66% had tried alcohol
• 25% said they had been involved in a binge drinking episode
• 25% of girls had tried illegal drugs due to peer pressure
• Over a third had engaged in sexual intercourse.

Okay, did you gasp like me?  My sweet innocent baby at 14 who should still be a child in many ways could be indulging in any or all of these activities.  Whatever happened to “sweet 16 and never been kissed”?  How has this happened?

For one thing we are an increasingly sexual society.  Toddlers wearing high heels and makeup.  More and more graphic sex and drug use in movies and on TV.  TV and movies streaming into our babies’ computers and cell phones–which restrict a parent’s ability to police what our children see.  Preteens and teens dressing is ways only prostitutes used to–and going to school dressed that way.  And the list goes on and on.  But what can we do?

Williams in her post discusssed some ways parents can fight this epidemic.  First, talk to your children.  I cannot agree more or stress it more strongly.  Be an active parent.  Even if you work out of the home, you can still find time everyday to be present with your child.  Turn off the phones, iPods, and other devices in the car with your child.  Focus entirely on him/her.

She also points out that in families that eat meals together, the chances greatly diminish that your child will succomb to peer pressure (based on a recent study of The Institute of Child Health and Human Development).  In the study it was found that when teens have at least 3 meals a week with their parents, they are less likely to engage in the above listed dangerous activities.  Again, that is time without distractions–just time to talk about the day, school, your work, their friends, and so forth.  Also remember that it is time for a conversation, not an interrogation or a lecture.

I would also add that it is very important to be the example.  Whether they admit it or not, you are their main role model.  What they see you do, they will imitate it to be like you.  Remember that as you make decisions about your own behaviors.

Something else that is a big point with me is that this is so much harder if you start when they are teens–not impossible but harder.  If you create these habits (for you and your child) of strong communication, it will follow into their teen years.  They will not always be as forthcoming as when they were 5, but they will have grown to trust your interest.  That is vital to strong communications with your child at any age.

What do we want our kids to learn about role models and heroes?  It certainly is NOT that someone who has a good voice or can score baskets is a hero.  We need to teach our kids that heroes do something extraordinary that benefit mankind, overcome a seemingly unsurmountable obstacle, or put themselves at risk for someone else. 

Can entertainers, then, be role models? Yes, and they are.  However, often they do not realize what a responsibility that is.  Like Whitney, many choose to lead destructive lives that young minds and hearts try to emulate.  They could have a great positive influence on our youth–and some do.

Parents need to guide their kids to see stars as role modes only in how they acheived their success.  Research and discuss how many hours went into training or what background they had to overcome to acheive their levelof success–it doesn’t happen over night.  Use their examples for perserverance and hard work.  But they are not heroes.

The symbol of a U.S. flag at half mast should be reserved for our country’s real heroes, not drug addicted celebrities who kill themselves with those addictions.  I saw a post on Facebook today asking why she gets a flag at half mast when the thousands of military personnel that come home in body bags do not.  Good question.

I loved Whitney’s music–just as I did Elvis, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, and others.  Am I sad she is gone?  Yes, I am, but I see who she was realistically.  She was an addict who had many chances to save herself and she chose not to.  Why should she be held up as a standard for our children after the bad choices she made for her life? 

Parents can use her death as a teaching moment for their children about how the choices we make follow us in our lives (sometimes even into the grave) and make us who we are.  Someone like Whitney should be appreciated for her amazing talent, but not be treated as a hero.

There is a well meaning campaign to put bald Barbies on the shelf in support of children who are undergoing cancer treatments. http://todayhealth.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/01/11/10122324-bald-and-beautifulbarbie-mattel-responds-to-lobbying-campaign

I understand, to some extent, the reason that these women are promoting this campaign–they have children who are suffering and they are trying to help with they feel helpless.  My daughter was diagnosed with cancer several years ago and I understand that agony.  Gratefully she is now almost 6 years cancer free and we thank God every day for that blessing.

So while I can empathize with these moms, I must challenge their petition.  Other people  suggested that they buy a special Barbie and shave her head in solidarity with the striken child.  To me, this makes so much more sense.  The girls did not begin this process with no hair–it fell out or had to be shaved off.  Imitating that with the Barbie would more relate to kids’ own experience.

The other side of this is for healthy Barbie fans, many of whom are very young (4-7) years old, who are innocent of the pain and difficulties this world can force on us.  Why shouldn’t they remain so for as long as possible?  Why should mommies have to explain to a 5 year old that other 5 year olds are sick and dying? 

Older children who will not be traumatized by this much reality no longer play with dolls.  Young children often have fears of death and irrational other fears, such as the monster under the bed, as a part of growing up.  Why should we be forced to exacerbate those fears in susceptible little minds?

I say let our kids be kids as long as possible in this world.  They will lose their innocence soon enough.  If they have a classmate who becomes ill, then is the time to have this discussion and maybe shave their own Barbie’s head.  In fact I can envision a small party with a group of girls who all shave their dolls’ heads at the same as the afflicted friend.  In that way they can actually have a role in helping their friend in a very tangible way.

I both applaud and sympathize with these mothers who have sick children.  I know how it feels.  But I believe we should look at the bigger picture.

This time of year makes me reflect on my life–past, present, and future.  I guess many of us are like that.  Maybe this year is even more so because of my losses.  I should have spent more time with my uncle when I had the chance.  I should have found more patience with Waya when she was being trained.  Now they are both gone and I cannot make up that time.  I believe that is the lesson.  Each moment offers an opportunity that if not used, is gone.  We can never get it back.

Spend your moments wisely because we get a limited number of them.  Find a balance between between work and play–there is where you will find peace of mind.  Find the balance between this world and the spiritual–there is where you will find peace in your soul.  Spend as much time as you can with your family.  Laugh and play and disagree and make up and love.  That is what families do. 

I remember when we first started having grandchildren, the noise level rose drastically in the house and it started to get on my nerves.  I thought about that and then I realized that we are just noisy.  All of us!  We carry on and wrestle and laugh a lot.  As I began to embrace that knowledge, I found that I started to love the noise.  Memories of when my kids were little come back, as well as the memory that before you know it, there is only silence in the house as the kids grow up and start their own lives.  So I have chosen to embrace these precious moments and enjoy each one of them.  Now I am either in the middle of the chaos or sitting back laughing at it.

To address the issue that I have some regrets, let me say that I embrace them also.  By embracing them, I am not brooding over them, but have acknowledged that they are there and will grieve as appropriate.  I have said my silent apologies to them and to God.  Then I forgave myself–don’t forget this step!  Now I am resolved to do better–to spend more time with my extended family.  It can be in person or by phone or by email, but I miss them and love them and am determined to show it.  It does no good to wallow in self pity, living in the past full of remorse and grief.  I know they would not want that so I will move on to the next thing in my life, but try to do better.

So I reflect on the past and learn its lessons.  Then I look at my present and decide how to move from where I am into the uncertain future.  But always, always remembering that each moment is precious and trying not to waste any of them.

In the last year, I have learned a new lesson. Yes, even old horses can gradually be taught to learn!

At last year’s reunion he invited all of us to come hear them if we were in Key West. So this month, my husband and I took him up on his offer. We were so pleasantly surprised at the reception we received, as well as the quality of the entertainment. When Monty and I walked into the lounge where Larry was seated at the piano, he made a big deal to the audience about how we graduated from high school together and played a special song for Monty and I since our anniversary was the next day. You would have thought we had been close friends instead of passing acquaintances.

• life moves on and people grow, change, and mature;
• the next place you go–another town, college, military, and so on–do not know that you were Homecoming queen or that you were the pimpled faced kid with low self esteem that always sat by himself;
• eventually you are all on the same plane;
• they can make anything of their lives that they want no matter where they started;
• people change over the course of their lives and someone who was a best pal may no longer fit, whereas a person you didn’t like in high school could become a new best friend so don’t slam any doors;
• many kids who could not get dates in high school become popular and famous (or infamous) later in life.

Things for parents to consider:

• Be your child’s cheerleader.
• If you need to move for work, don’t be afraid to do it. My parents certainly had to listen to a lot of crying and yelling when I got the news, but it turned out fine.
• Kids are very resilient–they can adjust to quite a bit. Sometimes we don’t give them enough credit.
• Find stories like this one to share with your kids if they are having emotional distress with adolescence.
• Get them involved in something like music, sports, scouting, or whatever interests them and keep encouraging them. Chemicals from a physician is not the answer.

I was glad high school was not forever, but it is fun to go back sometimes and peek back behind that curtain one more time.

Since I mentioned Larry, I thought I would leave you with a song of his and some photos of mine.